Everybody uses something to get themselves off, at least some of the time. Some people play back memories of sex they’ve had, others fantasize about sex they’d like to be having. Still others look at magazines, watch porn, spy on their neighbours having sex, read a sexy story or book, you get the idea.
My first external source (i.e. not fantasies) was when I discovered my parents’ cache of porn. Mom kept “their” magazines in a hidden bookshelf behind the mounds of pillows on their bed. I discovered it quite by accident. Playboys, a couple of Penthouses. I was fascinated by the women, but mainly read the stories. Hot hot hot. Then as a young teenager I found racier magazines like Hustler in my dad’s desk in the basement. These stories were even nastier. Oh, how my young teenage heart would pound as I snuck downstairs while my parents were out of the house to look at these magazines and touch myself. I was terrified the whole time that my parents would come home and I’d be caught. It made it even sexier, even more explosive.
As an older teenager, I found their hidden cache of movies. Oh, wow. To this day I don’t know where they found them—I often suspected they had a friend with satellite—but they were amazingly hot, and featured bondage, and teasing and denial, and roleplaying. So I guess you could say it runs in the family. 🙂
When I got my own place and didn’t have to worry about my parents finding anything (I was far less trusting than they, I suppose!) I added Penthouse Letters and other similar storybooks to my collection, as well as my adult video rental card. Online porn and stories got me through my marriage, since the ex wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of me having porn. It wasn’t until I left my husband, sadly, that I discovered erotic novels like Black Lace and Nexus, and my collection has grown every year since.
Sometimes I’m satisfied with fantasies, but often I enjoy reading or watching porn (either online or offline). My sex collection grows a little more every month. It’s not vast, but it suits me well. I have an entire bookshelf devoted to sexy books from erotica to non-fiction sex topics like BDSM and pornography and general sexuality. I display it proudly, not worrying about hiding it from visitors. I’ve got kinks, I like sex, and to hell what other people think.
I’ll write more about my fantasies—the ones that really get me off, past and present—in future diary entries.
