The Dirty Whore has been talking about faking it. It’s such a relief to see another sexually aware, indescribably juicy, fully in love with the unh woman admit that yep, she fakes it.
Not all the time of course. But my body is greedy about its orgasms. It doesn’t give them away easily. There are times when I can’t make myself come, dammit, and I’m the biggest expert there is on my own body (particularly after having been my only lover for the last year and a half – sigh).
And like the lady, I’m sure that mine is an issue of trust. Not consciously, of course, but somewhere down deep. Would that it wasn’t so! Believe me, I’d love to be all filled with orgasm-y goodness, raring to blast off at a moment’s notice.
A girlfriend of mine tried swinging once, and the lady from the other couple was like that – she figured the lady had seven or eight authentic orgasms in a few hours’ time.
We decided we hated her. 🙂
So yeah, I fake it occasionally. Not to make up for truly bad lovemaking, but if the guy is doing his level best and giving me everything I ask for, and it’s still not gonna happen, I figure, why make him feel bad? Because believe me, whether they admit it or not, many many men go after an orgasm like it’s a boy scout badge, and they feel like they’re a bad little scout if they can’t make it happen. So I soothe his conscience, and let myself off the hook for being such a damned control freak.
Most of the time, though, if it’s not gonna happen, I just switch to something else – like licking and sucking the body part I love so damn much I still have dreams about it after a year and a half of celibacy.
Have I faked it with every man I’ve ever been with? Hmm. Interesting question (makes me wonder if the exes of mine who still read this now sitting up and taking notice). I don’t know, exactly, but…
I do know there was one man with whom I never faked. His lightest touch drove me insane. He had me bucking and crying and freaking out every time he came near me. I don’t even know what it was.
Maybe the lack of pressure. Maybe the forbidden naughtiness of our time together. Who knows.
But probably, yeah, I’ve faked it at least once with most guys. I figure some of them can even tell, and it’s akin to the little white lie that men tell women when they’re asked “Do I look fat?”. Sometimes little white lies aren’t so bad.
What about you? Have you ever faked it?
Totally. I love sex. I love orgasms. I love it all. But, as you said, sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen.
I’ve faked at least once with almost every guy I’ve been with. Mostly so they won’t feel bad if I just wasn’t gonna come despite their best efforts, and other times because I just wasn’t into it and wanted it to be over already.
I’m so glad to get this off my chest! hahahah!
It’s liberating, isn’t it? [grin] I think it has to do with the fact that this is such a taboo subject *among women* particularly. Most women I know would never admit to this.
The other interesting question is: would you ever admit it to a past partner, or current partner?
Hmmm, I seem to be one of those women you love to hate. I don’t fake it – have never needed to.
There’s only been 2 times that I can remember when my partner has tried to get me to orgasm and it wasn’t going to happen. I just said, “It’s not going to happen tonight” and switched to doing something else (like sucking his cock).
Then there are those long-past (thank goodness!) “lovers” who had no interest in my orgasm, from whom I learned to come quickly because I might not get another chance ….
Sunshine, I’m a jealous woman indeed. You’ve got more reason than most to have control and trust issues, but you don’t. You’ve given me something to aspire to. 🙂
It’s not magic, Vikki. When I left my first husband, I knew that I had a lot of baggage & if I wasn’t careful, it would get in the way. I wanted my relationship with my current husband to be *different*, to be as full as it could be, so I made a conscious decision to not act on any inhibitions or baggage.
My current husband makes it abundantly clear that he absolutely adores me and I know that he’d never intentionally do anything to harm me. So, whenever I feel an inhibition or other emotional landmine rear its ugly head (which they still do, even after 2.5 years), I make a decision to ignore it and try whatever-it-is anyway. That way, I can make a decision about whether I like something or not that’s not based on cultural bias or emotional baggage, but is based on how it really feels.
*sigh* I have the ability to separate my emotional from my logical side. Not everyone can do that. Good luck, though. I hope you can work past your control & trust issues & end up even more lusty & lecherous & FREE!
🙂
As a guy I feel like I’m eavesdropping as the women let loose on those subjects they don’t don’t much discuss with men.
I know I certainly feel like I should give my partner an orgasm and keep on trying like a trooper to get her there but it hasn’t always happened and would also guess there have been times they have faked it, which I don’t like, but could understand. What I do appreciate is when a women gives me some guidance on what could work better in that situation. Even a masterly lover such as myself (I wish) could benefit from that. “Help me to help you and let’s make the world a better place!” A sticky, sweaty, heart-pounding, heavy-breathing kind of better place anyway.
I read with interest your year and a half of celibacy. Are you still celibate? I am going on a year and a half myself after a few bad relationships where I faked it more than I should have. I do have a fear of getting “hooked on my vibrator” but perhaps that is better than having sex for the sake of it instead of finding a lover for deeper intamacy. Love your site.
Paul, I’ll tell you something: if she truly feels she’s not going to be able to come, it might just be better left alone (hence why some women fake it). I mean, for myself anyway, if I know it’s not going to happen and I push anyway, I eventually get a short, unfulfilling shallow orgasm. Sometimes the body just says no (or mine does, anyway). However, helping your partner understand that can be difficult, particularly when you’re in the moment. Hence the faking – though I should say here I don’t do it all the time! It was a temporary and rare fix in certain situations only. 🙂
Amy, yes, I’m stil celibate, though edging closer to dating again. And as for getting hooked on your vibe [rolls eyes] what a lovely urban legend that’s become. Look hon, until they make a vibrator that can flicker like a tongue, squeeze and caress like a hand, kiss you while fucking you, and bring you a glass of wine and a warm washcloth when it’s over, I don’t think you need to worry. If you like playing with your vibe, go for it. 🙂 Good luck!
I have sucessfully ( and sadly) faked it with every partner on some level.
Only one time EVER was i ever able to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. I was 17. thats 10 YEARS AGO! Unless i am having sex AND manually pleasing myself simultaneously, it aint gonna happen. Either i do it because my partner has tried everything to no avail & i want to make him feel successful, or i just want the bad sex to end . isnt that sad? lol…