denial

For days now, I’ve been thinking about the concept of denial. Sometimes we deny ourselves things, deliberately or by chance. Sometimes other people deny us things, deliberately or by chance. And sometimes it’s chance itself that denies us.
It’s been a big denial week for me.1. I’ve been (deliberately) denying myself my bullets, masturbating only with my fingers and only if the pressure is so much that I have to cum or I’ll be a miserable bitch all day. In case you’re curious, I’m doing this so I don’t become addicted to the damn things and unable to come any other way. You go ahead and scoff. Then try out the Space Explorer Vibe for a week and see if you don’t change your mind. 🙂
2. Chance itself has denied me the free time to do much writing for the site, whether it be in my diary or on my new Submission series. A shame because I really enjoy the relaxation that writing for the site affords me.
3. I lost a good friend this week. I’m denied the chance of having this friend be a part of my life. Doesn’t matter that I chose this.A virtual cornucopia of denial.But denial (since I’m a both-sides-of-the-coin kinda gal) can also have its good points. I mentioned this once before while browsing through my copy of Consensual Sadomasochism. It’s an appealing idea, but one that really didn’t get a huge amount of lip service in the book, so off I went with my trust browser and search engines to try and learn more about it.
Here’s what I’ve learned. There are some men who enjoy doing this to their women. If there’s a lot of them, they’re not a locquacious bunch – I only found one decent web site on the topic – Teasing and Denial of the Female Orgasm. Some information, a few stories there – I frankly wish there were more stories. Hundreds more. I cannot get enough of this stuff. Very erotic stuff. I ran across a few more sites on the idea, mostly femdom (denying the man, in other words) though. Could it be that men truly don’t want to deprive their women of orgasm – temporarily – even if it means she shoots her eyeballs across the room when you do finally allow her to come?
On the other side of the fence sits a few discussion boards and mailing lists. Some of these guys – if their posts can be believed – leave their women orgasm-free for weeks at a time. Supposedly this is okeydokey and jimdandy with their ladies (read: slaves). But it just seems to me if you keep up denial for that long – longer than maybe one real long session or okay, maybe over the course of TWO sessions, max – that the desire would eventually wear out. To me, the most erotic idea in all of this is being kept aroused and near the edge for a while (maybe a few hours? I don’t honestly know how long I would enjoy it), told I couldn’t come until given permission, and teased soundly towards orgasm anyway. They mention this a bit in Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, and basically say the point in this is the mindfuck.I totally agree. Could be why D&S is such an interest for me. The mindfuck is the biggest and most erotic game possible. After all, aren’t our brains our biggest and most versatile sexual organs?